Supporting your loved ones - 9 tips for carers
“What should I do and how can I support someone with their mental health?”
A simple question I am often asked from my client’s loved ones and also in my personal life from by own family and friends who want to help someone in their lives.
This is a simple question but often not simple to answer. Firstly, I think it is important to normalise as a carer you may be feeling helpless and stressed. This is nothing to feel guilty about; having someone you love struggling with mental health problems can be a really difficult experience as we often don’t know ‘what to do’ and there isn’t a ‘one size fits all’ treatment.
I’ve put together 9 simple tips to get you started in hopes that this can help when supporting friends, family and loved ones when they are struggling with their mental health problems.
Just ‘being there’ is more important than trying to ‘fix the problem’. Your good intention may be perceived as ‘pushy’, the person may perceive your actions differently to what you are trying to achieve. This could be making them feel guilty or like a burden.
Listening & validating from a place of compassion, kindness & curiosity is really powerful. Often people with mental health struggles feel like ‘no one cares about them’ or they embarrassed about what is happening for them. Listening and validating their concerns can make significant differences.
Give practical help. For example: cooking them a meal.
It’s okay to change the subject or do things to help distract the person when they are upset or anxious.
Work on a crisis plan. Know what to do or who to call if the person you are caring for is unsafe. For example: lifeline, emergency services, mental health support worker.
Know that healing is not linear! Don’t place expectations about recovery they may lead to feelings of guilt or reinforce negative feelings the person may already hold about themselves. It is normal to take a few steps forward and backwards during the recovery process.
Be honest and open. Ask the person how you can best support them. They are still the expert on themselves.
Know what’s in their ‘tool box’. Often therapists will work with their clients to develop a ‘tool box’ of skills for the client to use when they are distressed or for behaviour activation. Knowing the tools the person is already familiar with can be really helpful in times of crisis to prompt self-soothing.
Look after yourself! Don’t underestimate the impact caring for others can have on your wellbeing. Set boundaries, get yourself help and know your own self-care strategies.
To learn more ask your local mental health service for local support groups for carers. This post has been written based on my experiences working within the mental health sector and wisdom shared from lived-experience peer support workers. 